last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
