Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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