Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
