i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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