I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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