honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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