And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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