It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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