I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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