Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
