I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
