It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
