After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
