She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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