but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
