just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
