he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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