I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
