Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My vagina just recognized that song.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
