Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
