is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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