the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
