you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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