She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
