Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
