So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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