Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This baby is an asshole
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
