k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
