I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
