Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
