I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
