ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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