she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
