Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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