Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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