He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
