I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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