your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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