I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
