I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
