worst night to have a conscience
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
