All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize