What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
