I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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