Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
