More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
