dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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