as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well I just put wine in my tea
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
