So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
