i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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