I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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