why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
