Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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