my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dick very happy bro
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
