Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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